i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
