Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You are the jesus of drinking
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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