Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
