i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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