then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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