Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize