I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
