it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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