I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize