Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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