I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
