She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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