FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
