I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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