I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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