You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
