Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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