boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
