I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize