I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
only if we run a train.
done.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
