so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
