The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
