she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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