It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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