he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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