Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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