sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
