I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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