I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
