He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
