I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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