Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
