I bet he comes in French.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
