She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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