so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't deserve a penis
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
