Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
