I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
