that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
