Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
