I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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