another moral hangover. fuck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
