i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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