shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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