i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
