Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
3pm strippers are depressing
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
