she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
