At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
