If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
