She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
