Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
