Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
