Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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