His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
