Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
