Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
