I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
