So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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