I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
