Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
