I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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