8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
