I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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