Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
