why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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