Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
