all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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