My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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