It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
