two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
