Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
