Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
