we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
