Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
