cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
