vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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