I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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