i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
