i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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