In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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