Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
