So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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