Don't make out with my wife yet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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