he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
honey bunches of taint.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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